Patrick's Story
Normal 0 There aretwo people that I want to nominate for making extra-ordinary contributions toour close-knit community of Midland, Texas. Both of their stories go hand-in-hand, and perhaps one
There are
two people that I want to nominate for making extra-ordinary contributions to
our close-knit community of Midland, Texas.
Both of their stories go hand-in-hand, and perhaps one without the
other, the ending might not turned out as well as it has. Tom Jones and Patrick Weeks are both my
heroes, and for very different reasons.
Tom Jones, a special education teacher at
a local elementary knows firsthand the hardship and stresses that a child with
special needs or a disability puts on a family. He grew up with epilepsy.
I met Tom about 4 years ago when he
visited our local support group for parents of special needs children. He was a shy man, soft-spoken, but we could
tell he had a soft spot for our special children. We were all intrigued with him as he spoke of creating a program
within his church that would sponsor a respite service for the parents. It was almost unheard of in our
community….someone willing to accept, support, and love our special children and
their siblings while offering parents a night away from the never-ending
responsibilities.
So,
in 2005 SHARE (Sharing Hands A Respite Experience) was
started by First Christian Church
(FCC) of Midland, Texas. The
mission of SHARE is to provide respite care and support for families
with children who have special needs. This includes children with Autism, Down
Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Muscular Dystropy, etc. and also includes fun
activities for their siblings. There is no cost whatsoever for this
service.
Through Tom’s firsthand experience the
church realized that the demanding job of raising a child with special needs
puts a great deal of mental and financial stress on a family. Often parents
have little time to spend with one another or time to devote to fostering
outside relationships. FCC’s ministry through the SHARE program has been one of love, acceptance, and support. Parents
with children who have special needs have been embraced and assured that they
are not alone in their journey. I know of no other organization that has as its focus
the families of children with special needs.
In 2005 SHARE began its respite
service with 5-6 core children. (As a
parent of one of those original children, I wrote a short story titled “WHAT SHARE MEANS TO ME”; I will attach
at the end of this letter). SHARE now hosts 36 families from the
Midland/Odessa community and surrounding area towns. It has since become a non-profit agency, and has united community
agencies for a common cause. SHARE now offers two nights of respite
service each month. SHARE sponsors additonal activies
throughout the year with the hightlight being the annual Christmas Candelight
Dinner for the families.
But Tom had something else weighing on his mind. Because of his disability, the relationship with his sister was
estranged. He felt the lonliness and
rejection his disability had caused. He wanted to reach out to the siblings of
these special needs children. He
started a SIBSHOP chapter in
Midland, Texas; this is the only one of four
in the state of Texas.
SIBSHOP is a support
program for the brothers and sisters of children with special needs.
SHARE has brought together 10 organizations who have collaborated to sponsor
this program for the siblings where they can talk about the joys and concerns
that are unique to them as they grow up with a brother or sister who has a
disability.
SIBSHOP is near and
dear to my heart. My older son,
Patrick, was also one of the core volunteer members when the group first
started. Tom knew of the turbulent
relationship with Patrick and my younger son, Tyler. He was so excited about the personal growth he witnessed thru
Patrick via the Sibshop program, that he wrote it down it on a whim. He took this story with him and shared it
throughout the community. He knew how vitally important this new organization
could be because he had witnessed himself.
I believe because of Tom’s love for our special children and because of Patrick’s Story, the SIBSHOP program grew in leaps and
bounds. So many people were touched and
encouraged by the story and oftentimes brought to tears.
So now you can see how
both Tom Jones, spec-ed teacher with a heart of gold, and my son, Patrick Weeks, are
my heroes; both are champions for special needs children and their families.
Please consider spotlighting
these two unique individuals in your magazine.
Please go to the website for SHARE for more
information: SHAREWESTTEXAS.ORG
Thank you for taking the
time to read these stories and for allowing me to publicly honor these two
“gentle” men.
Sincerely,
Jo Elaine
Weeks
PATRICK’S STORY
Patrick is a 16-year-old boy who attends Midland High School. He is a tall, gangly boy who wears shorts
and his baseball cap backward. If you
were to go to Midland High you could not pick him out because he blends in with
all of the other teenagers there.
Patrick is your normal teenager.
Everything about him is normal except for one thing: his brother.
Patrick’s brother, Tyler, is a 14-year-old boy with a nonverbal learning
disorder. Tyler stands out in a
crowd. He feels awkward in social
situations and little things like noise bother him.
Patrick’s relationship with his brother Tyler can be described as rocky
at best. Patrick resents Tyler and his
disability and the way it controls the family. So much attention is given to Tyler that Patrick often feels
left out. Patrick also gets angry with
his brother sometimes. Tyler seems to
always get his way and everyone has to make sacrifices because of Tyler and his
disability. It was even embarrassing to
Patrick to have a brother with so many quirks.
Patrick didn’t fully understand Tyler’s disability, but it really
didn’t matter because he had all of these emotions. He felt isolated. Patrick
didn’t have any friends who had a brother or sister with special needs that
knew what he was going through. He felt
he couldn’t really say a lot to his family.
He feared he would come across as whining and complaining when everybody
else was working so hard to help Tyler be successful. So Patrick did what a lot of siblings do, he stuffed these
thoughts and feelings because there was no place to express them. Patrick didn’t want anything to do with his
brother because of the pain it had caused him.
In August 2007, Sibshop was held at Rays of Hope, a children’s grief
center. Patrick’s mother made him go
because she thought it would be good for him.
He didn’t want to attend Sibshop.
You could tell that he really didn’t want to be there because he didn’t
make eye contact and was jumpy.
Actually Patrick was too old for the Sibshop group, so we used him as a
helper for the older sibling group. He
was paired with another teenage girl who attends Midland High and has a sibling
with severe cerebral palsy. She was
very well adjusted and loved her brother dearly. Having a brother with special needs was a positive experience.
Patrick didn’t say much but started to talk a little as the Sibshop
ended. He left quickly after the
Sibshop was over. His mother came by
and was in tears. She was so happy that
he came. It hurt her to see her two sons have such a bad relationship.
I didn’t see or hear from Patrick until November 9. Patrick showed up at SHARE (a respite care
ministry for children with special needs) unexpectedly and wanted to volunteer
as a helper for the siblings. He had
given up a chance to hang out with his friends on a Friday night. The young man, who didn’t want anything to
do with anything special needs, was giving up a Friday night to work with
children who had disabilities. This was
a huge step for him. I asked Patrick who he would like to work with and he
said, “The siblings.”
As it turned out, SHARE needed him to work with a 10-year-old boy named
Logan who has emotional problems. They
shot baskets and hung around the gym.
Logan told Patrick, “I’m glad you came tonight. Will you come back and play with me next
time?” Whether it was being humbled by
working with children who have disabilities or seeing other people who were
loving and caring for these kids, something made a big impact on Patrick. (The fact that he worked with good-looking
female nursing students from Midland College also may have been a factor.) I could tell that Patrick had changed since
I saw him last. Perhaps he had a sense
of acceptance of his situation, forgiveness of himself and brother, or comfort
in knowing that he was not alone. I do
not know, but Patrick was a changed person.
The next day, November 10, Patrick came to Sibshop to be a
volunteer. He worked with the older
sibling group. Patrick was paired with
Jacque Carillo, an adult sibling who grew up with a sister who is deaf, blind,
and has multiple disabilities. Jacque
is also a high school counselor in Odessa.
She and Patrick had a chance to talk privately. Jacque reported that
Patrick began to open up and talk more during the afternoon activities. Patrick seemed at ease with himself and
happy to be at the Sibshop. For our
closing, we went around the group and said what we were thankful for. When it was Patrick’s turn, he said, “I am
thankful for people who care about special needs kids.”
Since that weekend in November, his mom reports, “Patrick has been more
compassionate. You know, he really is a
good kid. “
Recently, Patrick had some friends come over to his house. They all went to get some ice cream. Patrick invited Tyler, his brother, to join
them. . . .
The following is an e-mail I received from Patrick’s mother after she
read
“Patrick’s Story”:
Tom, that story just touches my heart so much. It's
as if you were living in my house with us.
Patrick has shown such remarkable growth since first
attending Sibshop. He used to be
ashamed of his brother; I know this because a kid from Patrick's
school finally came over to the house. He had known Patrick for
about two years. When he walked through the house and saw Tyler, he
commented: "Oh, I didn't know you had a brother!" Tyler wasn’t introduced; they just walked
past him. It was hurtful for me to
witness but I felt even worse for Tyler.
I can tell you that things are so much different now. The senseless
bickering between them has gradually stopped. Tyler is being included in some of activities that Patrick is
doing (a HUGE improvement), even if it is hanging out in Patrick’s room
watching him and his friends play Xbox. Patrick's friends are also interacting with Tyler more, instead
of walking past him as though he were a piece of furniture. Now I can ask Patrick if he will take Tyler
to Blockbuster or pick him up from school, and it’s "No problem,
Mom." (Blockbuster used to be a fight:
Patrick didn't understand why Tyler always rented the same “stupid” games over
and over. Tyler would be defensive, and we would all leave mad.)
One of the happiest moments lately was when Patrick and
his "entourage" left to get fast food. I asked them to
please take Tyler to McDonald's. I expected them
to drive-thru with him. They were
gone a long time. Tyler was so excited when he got home because they all
went INSIDE McDonald's and sat TOGETHER at the
same table and all ate together and talked.
He felt so important! How cool is that?!?!? Now when the
kids come over, they all chat with Tyler, give him a hug, and a high-five.
It’s amazing how the Sibshop not only touched Patrick's heart, but the other
kids’ as well. They’re friendlier
towards Tyler since Patrick has been modeling this kinder, gentler
attitude. Don't you love the ripple effect?
The other night Patrick told me, “You know, I can tell
Tyler is getting a lot better. He doesn't act like he used to.” I
just smiled because it is Patrick who has had the attitude adjustment!
I'm extremely proud of him because I knew this gentle spirit was in there somewhere,
buried deep. So, thank you Tom, for Sibshop!!!
PS. Patrick turned 17 last Friday! And, he
got his braces off since you saw him.
For more information on Sibshop, please look at the website: www.siblingsupport.org
Before and After – What SHARE Means to Me
If you were to ask me what SHARE means to me, a mother of a fourteen-year-old boy who is in the autistic spectrum, I could better explain by telling you our BEFORE and AFTER story. I want to share this story with you because the SHARE ministry has made an incredible difference in the life of our son.
BEFORE:
For years my son spent every day after school AND every day during the summers alone, no friends, no playmates. I would be his buddy as much as I could but I wasn’t really a good substitute, as hard as I tried. Oh sure, there were kids in the neighborhood that would come over and play occasionally, but only if their playmates weren’t home and there was absolutely nothing else to do. Even though these children were in the same grade and same age as my son, they just didn’t “get” Tyler with his idiosyncrasies and limited interests. I would very frequently invite kids over for him to socialize with, always enticing them with a trip to McDonald’s and the movies or Chuck E. Cheese. The kids were always available for these fun activities but there was never an invitation back to their houses to play. But, for years, we continued to entertain the neighborhood kids and even some of my son’s school classmates so that he could have a semblance of a normal childhood. But the early school years were difficult; he was bullied and taunted almost on a daily basis. He recognized he was different and after a while just wanted the safety and seclusion of his room as the daily disappoints were just too great and too frequent.
AFTER:
My son is one of the original members of SHARE. At first, he was a little overwhelmed with all the noise, children, and activities. But, very quickly, he fell in love with SHARE, the volunteers that greeted him with a hug, the boys in his group. I’m not exaggerating when I say that only since the inception of SHARE he has formed lasting friendships. He has REAL FRIENDS that call him on the phone, invite him for movies and sleepovers, friends that actually understand him, accept him, and love him for who he is.
Since being a member of the SHARE family of kids, He has grown and blossomed. He has become more confident and sociable. He is on the A/B honor roll in junior high and is a real delight to his teachers.
Without the support of SHARE and its volunteers, there just might not have been an AFTER to Tyler’s story!
Please go to the SHARE website for more information on this
organization:
SHAREWESTTEXAS.ORG
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