A grandson writes about his 90 year old grandparents, Bridge Building

Bridge Building

Posted by zangoceoblog on October 22, 2007

I spent the weekend in Southern Oregon with my kids visiting my aunt and uncle, cousins and nephews but mainly my Grandparents. My Father's Father is 94, his Mother 90 and both have the body of someone 10 years younger and the mind of someone even younger still. Their healthy eating and clean living has provided amazingly uncomplicated health for both of them. This weekend my Grandmother reminded me that during her 12 years of schooling she missed a week with the flu in the 7^th grade. And that's it! She never missed another day beyond that. "I liked school" she says summing up an attendance record that would likely win a place in the Guinness Book of records. She also informed me that she's never yet taken an antibiotic. Ever. It makes me wonder what these people are made of.

And while all of that is impressive, what really makes one wonder what these two people are made of is the magic of their relationship with each other. At one point during the weekend I asked my Grandfather what his proudest accomplishment was during his lifetime. The question made him look at the ground and ponder and then thoughtfully respond, "Well, I haven't accomplished much in my life - but the best thing I ever did was to find this wonderful lady here. She has changed every part of my life." Grandma blushes at hearing this and begins to rebut his response with a long list of amazing things that he has in fact accomplished during his life. I've long been amazed by their 74 year love affair so I continued with this line of questioning for most of the weekend, trying to get to the bottom of how in the world two people could be this devoted to each other and still be this madly in love after all this time.

After hearing story after story of blissful love between the two of them I finally replied, "It couldn't all have been wonderful. Didn't you have some difficult times with each other that you overcame?" They both looked at each other perplexed and kind of shrugged. Then Grandpa summed it all up very simply, "She always made it easy to love her." He then went on to explain how from age 16 on Grandma had continually sacrificed her own wants and needs for him. Always putting her desires aside in order to stand behind and support him and their family. He simply can't understand how you couldn't always love someone who does that for you, and I guess neither could I. Of course this was not a one-way street. Upon hearing this response my Grandmother quickly responded that he was the one who deserved all the credit. After all it was Grandpa who had toiled all these years, earned all the money and never stopped supporting his family. "And he was never satisfied" she said, "he always wanted to make things better for me, no matter what". Listening to them banter back and forth I pictured each building a bridge from their shore to the opposite shore. Each bridge being able to support the weight of the entire relationship and each built without any regard to whether the other was building their bridge or not. Neither was waiting to see if the other was as far along in their bridge, but instead just set out in faith and confidence to build a relationship supporting bridge of their own, sacrificing their own personal desires for the good of the person they loved. This kind of selflessness has created redundancy and security in their relationship, complete with two fully sustainable bridges. Their argument continued for some time, each claiming that the other was the reason for making their relationship last - completely disbelieving that they themselves could be responsible for the 72 years of wedded bliss they have each been enjoying. With arguments like this you start to get a sense of why their romance continues untarnished and stronger than ever.

And while their relationship seems like magic to the outside observer each will be quick to tell anyone within earshot that it is their foundation on Godly principles that has made this thing endure. Each has modeled Christ-like, unconditional love to the other. That is what started their relationship and is what still feeds it today. She was all of 16 and he was 20 when they met. He was an unproven but scrappy young man who had just returned from nine months mining gold on the Salmon River - trying anything he could to make a buck during the depression. Turns out that during his nine month stint he actually made five. That's right, his share of the spoils was $5, which is what he had in his pocket when he returned to Kalispell, Montana - driven by something that he couldn't quite understand but he knew he needed to "get back", as he puts it. Three days later, on Wednesday, November 22^nd, 1933 they met at church, hit it off and then he walked her home after the service. He lived several blocks closer to the church than she did so she expected only half a walk home, but he didn't stop there and instead walked her all the way home. What's great is hearing them tell the story, "It was at church" he says. Then she pipes in, "November 22^nd", clearly a day that is important to her. He smiles a bit and continues, "it was Wednesday", as if it were last week. The way they go back and forth recounting this story leaves you with a distinct feeling that they did and still do understand the importance of those first meetings. Their second date was the Friday two days later - again at church. Grandma again got a walk home and this time a bit of affection. This part of the story makes Grandma blush and insist that the conversation take a different turn. Grandpa simply stares off and cracks a knowing smile. That kiss sealed the deal and they've been sharing true love ever since. Grandma de-prioritized all else in her life and Grandpa forever had the biggest cheerleader and supporter of his life. Makes it hard to have anything but success in life when you have a team-mate like that.

The "bridge builders" and their great grandchildren.