Unspoil Your Child

Parents tend to spoil their children, and they both know it. Fortunately, spoiling can be undone-quickly.

Parents tend to spoil their children, and they both know it. Fortunately, spoiling can be undone—quickly. Here are some tips for unspoiling your child:

• Commit to unspoiling. Be steadfast. Halfhearted attempts will fail. Give unspoiling the highest priority.
• Remember who’s boss. Children act as if they want to captain the family, but they really don’t. They want their parents to be in charge. Accept your role as your family’s benevolent leader.
• Toughen up. Some parents don’t like being the meanie who says “no,” but children need someone to do that. Your child needs you to be a parent more than a friend.
• Say what you mean. Screaming, threatening and counting to three reveal a lack of power. Set your limits and expectations clearly, then stick to them. Follow through on consequences.
• Don’t bargain. Parents unintentionally train their children to be negotiators who nag, demand and deal until getting what they want. Don’t offer endless choices and don’t reward every ounce of cooperation. Some things in a family should be nonnegotiable.
• Give less. It’s a law of human nature: People who get more tend to appreciate less. For a few days, add up all the treats, toys, books, clothes and other gifts that you buy for your child. Add in, too, the chauffeuring and activities. Then cut back on your giving and doing.

It is not too late to unspoil your child. If you are firm and determined, it can be done speedily.

Story by Richard Bromfield, author of How to Unspoil Your Child Fast.

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