The 'Grand' Relationship.

by Beth Stein

The days when grandparents lived under the same roof, or even in the same town as their grandchildren, have given way to long-distance relationships. Yet family ties, especially between children and their grandparents or great-grandparents, are more important than ever, experts say.

Parents are often so busy with parenting and careers that children need the attention and pace grandparents offer them, says Barbara Stephens, a grandmother of 10 who writes a syndicated column on grandparenting.

"Grandparents play a specific role," Stephens says. "They listen to children's dreams and fantasies. They give children time that parents may not have."

They also provide children with family history. Children love to hear stories about when parents and grandparents were young. Knowing this history gives them an important sense of belonging.

It's easy for children and their grandparents to connect over the miles. Old-fashioned letter writing still tops the list, because children adore getting mail. To make sure it's a two-way street, enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope. If the grandchild is too young to write, suggest sending drawings or photos in return.

Some grandparents have found that audio recordings bridge the miles in wonderful ways. They send books along with cassette tapes of themselves reading the books aloud. Others tell favorite stories or record fun family memories for their grandchildren to play.

As more and more seniors go online, email has become a terrific way for children and their grands to stay close. Exchanges can be daily, keeping relationships up to date.

Sharing hobbies is another way to foster special links, Stephens says. Trading information about the hobby or starting a collection gives grandparents and children a common interest and bond unique to their relationship.

"One woman told me she mails seeds to her granddaughter and they share a little garden," she says.

Even if grandchildren live close by or there are frequent visits, some of the same principles apply. Having something special that only grandparents and grandkids do together instills tradition and makes children feel special.

Most of all, grandchildren just want undivided attention and unconditional love. In interviews Stephens did with children about what they cherished most about their grandparents and great-grandparents, the answer was consistently: "They love us and they listen to us."

Beth Stein is a mother, wife, and newspaper columnist.

first appeared: 12/24/2000