Talk With Your Kids

Talk With Your Kids

Keeping the lines of communication open between parents and children is vital, but getting kids to open up often is easier said than done. If parents can establish those links when children are young, they stand a better chance of communicating with their kids through those difficult teen years.

Mealtimes provide a great opportunity for parents to talk with their children, says Derek Randel, co-author of The Parent Manual, and the father of two teenagers.

Keep mealtime distractions minimal. Then parents should follow some simple suggestions and guidelines. “First, make eye contact with your kids,” Randel says. “So often we talk to them from the other room.”

• For younger kids, pose questions that help them open up and spark imaginations. Posing fantasy “what if?” questions for fun can do this: “What if you could be somebody else for a day, who would that be and why?” Or use the same technique to help children work through actual situations they might face. For example, “What if someone called and Mommy and I were outside? What would you tell them?”

• Tell a funny story and let children join in. Suppose the family is having chicken for dinner. You might say, “I went up to a man at the store and bought this chicken, and he said he was from Mars.” Let them make a story out of it. “It’s like that old game of telephone,” Randel says. “Kids have so much fun with it, the crazier, the better.”
• Whatever their ages, let kids express their opinions. Let them know there’s no right or wrong opinion.
• Let children finish their thoughts. Don’t interrupt or finish for them.
• Beginning when children are 4 or 5, discuss current events and try to talk at the child’s level. If the news is complex and confusing, simplify it for them. Then ask what they think about the issues they can grasp.
• Ask specific questions. Instead of the vague “How was school?” to which they can give one-word answers, ask, “What did you do in gym (or English or art, etc.)?” “What book are you reading now? Can you tell me about it?”
• Share with kids your own experiences when you were their age.
• Remember to share your mistakes with them, too. It reveals your humanness and helps them to share their mistakes with you.

Beth Stein is a mother, wife, and newspaper columnist on parenting and women’s issues.

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